SillyDad.com!

Opening gifts:

Emma will be turning one years old on Christmas morning. Here are some nice pictures of her I have taken recently…

Emma on Thanksgiving Day 2005

Emma with Julie…

Happy 1 years!!

Well, I am going to brag about my kids here for a minute, so hold on to your seats. My wife and I went out to eat last night and brought all 4 of the kids. My wife’s co-workers were there and it was like that annual/Christmas dinner they have every year.

The kids were amazing and acted so well behaved. I think I acted out more than they did. A couple times waiting for the food they got a little bored and started fiddling with the silverware. But, considering the atmosphere we were all sitting around a big table with adults my kids hardly ever see and were well behaved.

We got many comments from Jess’s co-workers and even from the restaurant staff of how well behaved our kids were.

So yes… brag brag brag!

If we put our minds to it. You know the saying “power of the press”?? Or how about the “power of the dad blogosphere”.

Here is what I am getting at. For some of you who don’t know I have a business blog I run called the Black Bear Blog, and it has been nominated and placed with like 20 other blogs into the Best of the Outdoor Blogs of 2005 contest…

Well I am running real close with another blog. Here is our test. This is our chance to see if it works. I want to pool all the dads together in less than 24 hours and see if we can get the following link out there onto the dad blogosphere and I want to scrape out as many votes as I can…

ahem without coming across as… umm.. desperate…

Dear Lord please vote for me I beg you… LOL

har har we all had a wonderful little laugh at silly dad.

Anyway this is what you do. Click on the following link and scroll down to where it says Black Bear. Click it and submit your vote. That’s it. If you have your own blog pass on the message baby… and tell others to pass it on and so on and let’s see where us dads can take this…

CLICK HERE TO VOTE!!! - Booooyaaa!

Don’t let me down dads…

In all families, where there is a father and a mother, there are stereotypical roles each of them play. The father is usually the person that is gone all day, working long hours to support the family. When dad gets home the kids traditionally come running and he bends down and gives them all a kiss and a hug and see what they have been coloring or creating that day. The mother is tired and fed up with the kids by this point from staying home all day. Or, in a lot of cases these days, she left the office herself not too long ago to pick the kids up from day care.

As a father there seems to be one role that fits well. On the other hand, the mother can take on many roles that are acceptable. She can stay home with the kids, she can go shopping all day, she can work just like the dad can, and still be considered a good mommy.

As a stay at home dad, I have run smack dab into a territory unfamiliar by society. Luckily, the world is heading in a specific direction more open to individuality and thinking outside the box, that I can at least create a new stereotype. But let’s not worry about what others think as we stay at home dads are not out there doing what we do for society. We are doing it for our children and for our family.

So first we need to ask ourselves who we need to be in order to be the best dad to our children placed in a non traditional setting. There are certain things you can control more than others. The first part that is the most important duty as a stay at home dad is once you make a decision and give your word, always follow through with it to the best of your ability. In other words, once you have decided to become that stay at home dad, then you need to accept the decision and move forward without looking back… without regrets… without anger. This shows integrity towards your character and towards your family. Too many times I have come across stay at home dads since I have become one myself and I have seen anger, disappointment, and resentment in them.

So pull yourself together and become a dad to your children. Follow through with your decisions and do it to the best of your ability. Who do you want your children to see as their dad? When your children become 30 years old and look back on their childhood, how are they going to remember their dad? Will they remember a mad and resentful dad? Or will they look back and see a loving dad bending over backwards for his own family? Will they see a father sitting on the couch, eating peanuts from a jar, and watching television all day, or will they see a father involved in their own lives?

The only way we can become good father figures is to look at yourself from your children’s eyes. So who are you to them? Is that who you want to be?

I have to admit, I have avoided some of the common Stay at Home Dad questions that people ask me. Some may be due to the recent cold weather and, especially here in Maine, there are less people out and about, or playing at the park. I very rarely take the 4 kids with me places I used to in the summer time just because what’s involved in the entire process in the Winter time.

For those who have never had kids or who don’t have 4 of them, let’s do a quick rundown of what to expect during a simple trip to the store to get milk in the winter time with 4 children.

- Go start up the minivan so that the car will be warm by the time you get the kids ready. Where are the keys? I hung them on the hook I was sure of it. The oldest one tells me Isobel was playing with them not too long ago. After asking Isobel where she placed the keys and her telling me she doesn’t know the search begins.

- While I search for the keys to warm the van, the older kids need to start getting their boots, jackets, hats, and mittens on.

- I look under the couch, tables, chairs for keys and hear crying and fussing in the kitchen. I roll my eyes and head back into the kitchen. Sammy has stolen Isobels boots and won’t give them back.

- I settle the situation and run upstairs to see if my keys are up there and find them in the toilet. Yes, Isobel is potty training I should have looked there first.

- I fetch them, clean them, and place them safely in my pocket as I descend down the back steps. Sammy is watching Spider Man and does not have his boots on nor his jacket and gloves, but has his hat on. Elizabeth is actually all ready but can’t tie her boots. Isobel is still wandering around looking for her boots.

- I get Sam’s attention and I turn off the TV. I tell him to go get his boots on and his jacket. On the way out the door I tie Elizabeth’s shoes and tell her to help the other kids get ready.

- I go out to the van and start it.

- When I walk back in Isobel is mad at something and has thrown her boots across the kitchen and is sitting in the corner pouting. Sam is in the front room playing with his Batman action figure with only his hat on.

- I rush over and grab Isobel’s boots and put them on and tie them. I place her jacket, hat, and gloves on her in no time at all.

- I head for the front room and grab Sammy. I bring him to the kitchen and get his boots on and his jacket. I go to find his gloves and Isobel has taken her jacket off and is playing with the baby. I go back to Isobel and put her jacket back on telling her she needs to keep that on if she wants to go with me.

- I spot Sam’s gloves in the other room so I go get them. When I get back they are all ready to go except for the baby. I get her jacket on and place her in the seat, buckle her up, and am now preparing a diaper bag in case of the unexpected. Elizabeth asks if they can go outside and wait. Sure go ahead!!!

- I get everything ready and out the door I go. I shut the door and Isobel is crying because Sammy pushed her into the snow and now she is freezing cold. I scold Sammy and bring Isobel inside to get her dry mittens. Finally get them on her and got her to stop crying. We go outside only to find Sammy making snow angels without his snow pants on.

- I tell him he needs to get in the van but he starts crying because he is wet and cold. So I get everybody back inside while I get new pants, socks, and mittens for Sam. Now we are all read to go. I take them outside to the van.

- I buckle them all in. Things seem to be going well.

End of Part 1

And all I need is milk!!

This is the first real snow where I live this year. We are predicted to get a few inches. Nothing big but enough to make things look pretty. So of course, the good ol’ dad takes a few pics. This first picture was taken this morning before Elizabeth jumped onto the bus to go to school. Take a look at the nice stockade fence in the background. That was what I put up this summer.

These are a couple of pictures of Center Street from my porch…

House across street:

And last but not least is my attempt at a snowy bush across the street.

I normally don’t post pictures so enjoy them while they last…

It is amazing the difference in parenting styles that develop from generation to generation. I look back just even to my own parents and how they were raised. Then I look to my grandparents generation and hear how they were raised. Of course the world is a much different place today but it is fun to reflect on some of the parenting techniques used even 50 years ago.

Liquor
My grandmother tells me the old remedy for getting a teething baby to sleep. Take some liquor and dip your finger into the bottle. Then rub the liquor onto the gums of the baby numbing the area and at the same time the alcohol will make the baby sleepy. Can you imagine getting this out in the open today? I am not saying it still isn’t done but this practice was a little more acceptable back in the days of horses and buggies. Today we have to ask a doctor first, get a prescription, and follow the rules. If not it could mean trouble for parents.

Hot Stove
Another interesting thing I learned about history, especially up around where I live. Back before there was oil heat, families tried to heat their homes with wood.

Sometimes far enough back all they had was a wood stove in the kitchen all winter trying to heat a large New England style home. The lifestyle in the winter changed dramatically from summer. For instance, parts of the house were closed off to conserve heat. The bedrooms were all upstairs and it meant just closing off the 2nd floor. If you dared sleep under blankets and blankets then more power to you. But sometimes families slept downstairs closer to the stove. Typically the father would wake up several times in the evening to check the fire and make sure it was going good. Now I know why my great grandmother knitted so many blankets.

Anyway, with children around and attending to the normal lifestyle, typically on the farm, and for the women probably the kitchen was the main area. The mother would watch the children and the father would go make a living. Now, the mother had stuff to do and couldn’t always watch the children every single second. So what they used to do to prevent children from crawling over and burning themselves on a scorching hot wood stove in the kitchen, today it would be considered child abuse. They would take the baby’s hand and quickly lean over and touch it to the stove top. Now it wasn’t enough to scauld them, but just enough to make them feel a bit of pain. This technique would cause the baby to dislike going near the stove. The curiosity that killed the cat would be gone and the mother wouldn’t have to worry about the baby wanting to touch the stove and potentially scaulding themselves real bad. Now think about that a minute and picture parents doing that today. Can you imagine? I can see your children being swept away as you are faced with child abuse charges.

But the lifestyle called for it then.

Can you think of any parenting techniques that used to be considered part of the norm, but are almost outrageous ideas today?? I would love to hear them.

Just wanted to highlight a new site for all dads who blog. Even if you don’t blog but would like to submit articles, there is a site called Dad Bloggers, where you can submit an article or 2 per month. Doug, the owner of the site sums it up:

DadBloggers is a community blog by Dads, for Dads. We have a diverse team of regular contributors who give a male perspective on parenting and family relationships.

The key word here is “diverse” so don’t feel you might be left out of the loop. Check out the site.

I submitted my first article there and you should go read it. It is called Actions Speak Louder Than words. I think you will enjoy it and let me know what you think of it.

And last but not least by any stretch of the imagination. Here is my photo of the week. All kids taking a bath in our antique bear claw tub. And if you look closely there is the classic rubber ducky swimming around.

Dad read me a story
Oh, Dad get me a drink;
Dad here is a diaper
The baby really does stink.

The dishes are stacked
To the ceiling so high
My poor daddy looks
Like he could actually cry.

So I play with my toys,
With my yellow sailboat
I play with my farmhouse,
The horse and the goat…

Soon I must clean up
For I need to take my nap
Look daddy look..
Emma can clap..

Can we go for a walk?
Can we play at the park?
I will ride the swings
Until just before dark.

When does mommy come home?
Can we call her on the phone?
I am afraid we can’t right now,
We are all alone…

So sing me a lullaby,
Rock me to sleep,
I’ll close my eyes
Promise I won’t peep.

I feel so young and
I feel so old
With whom shall I share
These memories I hold

Copyright© Steven Remington

It has been just over 2 years now since I worked outside the home. Unreal how fast time flies. I stopped working as soon as Isobel came into our lives and so however old she is, is the exact same time period I have been without a full-time job outside the home. The reason I say outside the home is because staying at home with 4 children is a job in itself.

So what are some of the stereotypes a stay at home dad has to deal with? There are quite a few but the new lifestyle is more easily accepted today than it was, oh say…. even 5 years ago. Being a Stay at Home Dad (SAHD) is on the rise, so much that, it is almost a “movement” here in America. Women are finding awesome jobs and men are marrying these women. I think it is great women are finally making it in this world and making it well. On the flip side, this means men have more of an opportunity to stay home and do those so-called motherly things.

I tell you right now it isn’t the same. Men just can’t start acting like moms. You’ll never see it happen! What you will witness is a new parenting style being implemented. There have been studies done and it is proven that children grow up to become better problem solvers when raised by their fathers. The reason being, fathers are less likely to nurture and sympathize with their children. Fathers tend to be more of the enforcer and demand good results. In turn, the children grow up learning to solve problems.

Of course most stereo-types involve the man not being competent enough to get a job, being a loser, or is feminine, etc. They may see a man who burns the food while cooking, or having problems changing a diaper. Thanks to Hollywood, these are some of the impressions of a stay at home dad “struggling” to get through the day. Just like in the picture below, it shows the dad chasing the child on the bike, as if the dad cannot keep things under control. Well, maybe in some cases but you will find those same people in the work place. In other words, there is no difference in men who work, than those who stay home. The BIGGEST difference, and almost 90% of all Stay at Home Dads are in this position for 2 reasons:

1) Their wife makes more money than them, and
2) Both parents agree strongly against sending their kids to childcare.

Being categorized under false stereo-types still do affect you from time to time. Like taking the kids to the park or out somewhere. People look at you as if you had 4 heads. And it can seem even more crazy when you have 4 kids as opposed to just 1 or even 2.

4 kids and a dad staying at home is, well let’s admit it…. NOT normal at all. But let’s not be fooled. It is on the rise. Having 4 kids 50 years ago was part of the norm, now it is absolute insanity. Ok so maybe I am a little old fashioned, but it comes down to one thing… I just love kids no matter how many there are. And how old fashioned is having a dad stay at home, anyways? It is the most modern way. So let’s burn those stereo-types please.

So, overcoming the stereo-types is a huge part of being a stay at home dad in this day and age. So is doing laundry, doing dishes, cooking, vacuuming, changing diapers, potty training, and getting the kids dressed in the morning. Once this is mastered you can begin to understand that it isn’t what you are doing that is the issue, but rather HOW you do it. Your style is important, and most importantly living to the fullest. These are accomplished through How you structure and act throughout the day…

Some of you may be interested in the lifestyle, and you should, because by all means, it isn’t exactly normal, AND this is the first time in history that this is acceptable.

Copyright© Steven Remington