I scan all the people I know, and it’s funny how the older children always seemed to do better academically.

Well besides just plain observation the study also found:

First-born children possess IQs that are 2.3 points higher, on average, than their younger siblings, a new study contends.

This finding held true even when first-born children didn’t survive and a younger child was reared as the eldest, scuttling the idea that genetics determines the difference in IQ among siblings, according to the Norwegian researchers who authored the report, published in the June 22 issue of the journal Science.

“This study really puts to an end a debate that’s been going on for more than 70 years,” said Frank J. Sulloway, a visiting scholar at the University of California, Berkeley, Institute of Personality and Social Research, and the author of an accompanying commentary in the journal. “The theory of biological differences is pretty much dead as a doornail.”

So whether you think it has to do with genetics think again. There is something that is learned by the first born that pushes them to excel. Could it be they are more independent as they don’t have an older sibling to look after them? Could it be they are the first child to discover things on their own, rather than being shown by an older sibling?

One theory:

“Indirectly, it supports the theory that social support and attention within the family explain the difference. First children will not have to share this attention at first. The more children, the less attention will be provided to each child if parental resources are limited,” he added.

Another:

Sulloway noted that there are several theories that might explain the difference in IQ between first-born and younger siblings. Among these is one that says that more money is spent on the oldest child, and, as family size increases, less money is available for other children, leaving them with less opportunity. “But this doesn’t intuitively strike me as the explanation,” he said.

And:

Another theory holds that the first-born child gets more of the parents’ attention, but Sulloway also discounts this theory.

Another theory shotdown:

Still another explanation is that older children teach younger children, and the act of teaching raises the IQ. “The problem with this theory is that teaching has to raise the IQ of the first-born more than it does the IQ of younger siblings, in order to produce a birth order difference,” he said.

How about niche partitioning? Sulloway seems to like this theory:

A theory that Sulloway likes is called “niche partitioning.” This theory suggests that once a role in the family is filled, others have to find roles that help them compete for attention in the family.

Sulloway noted that first-borns are judged to be more disciplined and more hard-working and more intelligent than their younger siblings. “The explanation for this is that first-borns occupy the role of a surrogate parent in the family,” he said. “It is a great way to get brownie points from parents.”

Because older children already occupy that niche in the family, younger children have to find other roles to play, Sulloway said. “So, younger siblings look for other things to be good at,” he said. “It may be that that extra 2.3 points in IQ reflects an investment of time to get that, and the later-born is investing that time in something else and is getting 2.3 extra points in something else,” he added.

Given that each child is finding his or her own niche, the difference in IQ is nothing for parents to worry about, Sulloway said.

No matter what theory we go with, I wouldn’t necessarily put all of our eggs in one basket. Maybe the combination of all of these factors intertwined into which ones seem to weigh more heavily depending on situational factors will probably determine the overall outcome of a child. But either way, it doesn’t tell us the future of the child, just the predetermined capabilities of them.

sillydad

Most people will read this and wonder what the big deal is but I find that the best parents are ones who lead by example. Also see my article: Actions Speak Louder Than Words. If you want your kids to not drink alcohol then you, yourself, must not drink alcohol. If you want your kids to grow up not using drugs, then you need to not do them yourself. If you want your child to respect their mother then you need to respect your wife. If you want your kids to grow up without swearing then you, as a parent, seriously need to not swear.

You can’t tell your kids to do something, or to NOT do something if you can’t even live up to those standards. And why is it fine for adults to do bad things and make bad decisions and not kids? My point is this… kids need to learn from us by example, and we, as parents, need to start learning from our kids. One way to start is to look at hypocritical statements that were once fun sayings and take them a little more seriously. The future is at stake here.

-sillydad

Most parents don’t seem to give two rats asses about the way their kids are dressing. It is blatantly obvious just standing at the bus stop. I also live right next to a school where 4th and 5th graders come and go. So from my window I see kids go to school and come home from school. They trample over the neighbors lawn and head to their destinations wearing nothing but skank clothes. Sometimes I wonder if this part of the town is called Skankville to be honest.

It isn’t just the clothes these people wear. Look how the boys present themselves these days. They slouch over, wear pants around their butt crack (if it makes it that high), and can’t fully pronounce their words. And this rant is coming from a 31 year old who just not too long ago was in college. I mean we don’t need to toss ties around our necks and wear polished up shoes, but sheesh… let’s show a little dignity and respect towards not just others who have to look at the crack of your ass but to yourself.

Kids used to want to be perceived as a real man. Look at the older pictures of the kids 100 years ago who were not only 8 years old and how they puffed their chest out, stood tall, and had a belt on. They were proud of who they were, walked nobly, and dressed nice.

Now I can’t stand to see the skanky skirts on 8 year olds, the make-up that makes their eyes look all dark like they just climbed out of the great depths of hell, and the boys… well.. have some self respect and dignity and get pants that fit. Turn your ball caps either forward or backwards and stop this sideways crap. After you buy the hats take the stupid tags off them. And please… please… stop walking like you got a limp. Seems as though all the boys have a limp leg. Not sure what they are doing that’s causing it. They probably tripped over their ipods getting to their Xbox.

Here is a picture of Jesse James and Gang Member back about 100 years ago. This is how gangsters used to dress:

Today, 100 years later we have this:

I rest my case!

-sillydad

L.A. Daddy with things he has learned from being a father.

Clare’s Dad asks Clare what she thought of the Shrek the Third movie.

What are your thoughts? Should kids be allowed to have TV’s in their rooms?

Are you a leash parent?

And lastly, alway… ALWAYS wear those bicycle helmets before you crack your noggin’.

Question #13
Overall, has your job as a stay-at-home father been personally fulfilling?

This would have to be a strong yes. Staying home with your children is absolutely priceless and extremely rewarding. The rewards obviously don’t come in the style of a paycheck but there are many other ways to be rewarded. Simply being able to stay home and watch your kids take their first step or speak that first word is really rewarding. All that diaper changing and formula feeding actually paid off.

Also, when you teach your children to do something and next thing you know they are doing it on their own is one of the most rewarding parts of staying home.

Though there are moments when you feel tired, worn out, and nothing seems that fulfilling. But overall, it is very rewarding and personally I wouldn’t switch it out with another job. I have worked at over 12 other businesses prior to becoming a Stay at Home Father and not one of those jobs was as rewarding as what I do now.

sillydad

Question #12
How has becoming a stay-at-home parent changed your relationship with members of your family and your outlook on family life?

Out of all of the questions this has to be the best one, and most sincere. All the other questions are already set up to answer almost defensively. On the other hand, confrontational questions make good questionaires. But, let’s break this down into two parts as there are really two questions here.

How has being a stay at home dad changed my relationship with family members?
With extended family, once they got over the intitial shock it has actually been more of a pleasant change than a bad one. Unfortunately there are probably people reading this right now who are not so lucky to have family support. Most of family is supportive of what I do, though I am sure there is quite a bit of talk behind my back on how crazy I am, but when it is all said and done… my family is quite supportive.

But how has that changed? Conversations tend to coincide with family projects or discussion about my kids. I am not sure if that is simply because I am a parent or a stay at home father or both. I would assume if I were working outside of my home I would talk more about my job as I used to do. That would have to be the number one difference. I remember talking about how work was going. I still do the same but my work is with my children.

Within my immediate family I would say it hasn’t changed much at all as we were preparing for this day from the “get go”. We knew my wife would soon be off working for a nice business and at the same time we wanted children. We knew it was coming but we weren’t sure exactly when.

How has being a stay at home dad changed my outlook on family life?
This is a great question. Being a stay at home dad has really impacted me and how I view not only family life but the world. Little things like walking your kids to the bus stop and a speedy car drives by. You get an unsettling feeling that you never would have gotten before just knowing your kids are near by and are vulnerable. I know that I become more protective around my children. Before having children of my own I heard parents who said they would take a bullet for their own kids, or jump out in front of a moving vehicle to save their own children. I sort of understood and I was probably sure I would do the same. But now having children of my own there is no “probably”. There is no doubt I would do anything to protect them.

But that is parenting. How about now that I am actually a full time stay at home dad? I know when my kids have eaten last. I know what they are up to 24/7. Since I have stayed at home I have been more in tune with their needs and wants. I understand children more now than I ever did and can almost see what is going on in their little minds. Prior to having a family of my own I just didn’t understand kids. Now I do, and staying home as helped me really know my own children.

I also get to see my kids take their first step, say their first word, and discover the world right in front of you and it is amazing. It is something you would never understand until you have children of your own some day. So being a stay at home dad has really impacted me even more than just being a working parent.

I am more in tune with local and state government “going-ons” than just federal. I listen more on educational issues as my children will be greatly affected my them. I actually know when the library is open and when it closes at night and on the weekends. Being more in tune to what could possibly affect your kids is something that being at home has forced me to do.

And I am sure there are a ton more things I am not even aware of that has changed me and influenced my outlook on family life and the world.

sillydad

Question #11
Has becoming a stay-at-home dad made you feel as though you were less of a man? Why or why not?

As I mentioned before, most of this is just overcoming what others think about you. A long while back I wrote an article called overcoming stereotypes you may be interested in reading through. When it comes to dealing with myself I am very comfortable when it comes to staying home. The problem is how others perceive you and how to overcome those stereotypical feelings you know others are pinpointing you with.

But have I really felt like less of a man? I would have to admit there are days I wish I could be out fishing, or even working at a different job. But, having worked before at more than a dozen different types of jobs, I soon realized those feelings are normal no matter what I did, even including being a Stay at Home Father. There are always other things I want to do besides what I am doing currently. I think this is quite normal.

The biggest rut for a Stay at Home Father is the stereotype rut. Once you can overcome this then you can move on and soon realize what you are doing is not making you less of a man but more of one.

I would have to agree, though, if I were living in a different era staying home while my wife worked may not be a “manly” thing to do. But today anybody can hold a job and it is not unheard of for both parents to be out working. So in the same regards it is not that bad in today’s day and age for a man to change a few diapers and clean up around the house.

-sillydad

Question #10
Did your background as a child influence your decision to become a stay-at-home dad?

According to psychologists every decision you make in life is influenced by how you were raised. So, I would have to say “yes” to this question. Do I think it has had the most influence on my decision? Maybe not. This is a difficult question to answer. It’s difficult to really pinpoint any specific childhood incidences or memories that may have directly impacted me to make the decision to become a Stay at Home Dad. But if we want to generalize this a bit I would have to say that no matter who we are today, whether it be a doctor, professional baseball player, lawyer, Walmart employee, or a stay at home dad, our childhood has had somewhat of an influential factor in our decision to become who we are.

Here are some things that I think would influence our decisions:

Religious Background
I think this could be a biggy here. How we were raised and taught religiously will impact every decision we make. There are many different religions out there and you could have been raised in any number of those. In fact, you could agree with your relgious background or you could have even rebelled against it. But either way your religious beliefs, no matter what they are, will impact every decision you make. There are some people who believe their religion teaches them that the man has to be the primary breadwinner and the wife must be in complete submission to the husband. Others don’t. Whether you were brought up in a household who preached on this could very well make a huge impact on your decision.

Political Background
Are you a democrat or a republican? Are you somewhere in between or out in left field? If you are way into politics you may find one situation over the other is best according to your political agenda.

Family Dynamics
Were you brought up with a mother who stayed home, a father who worked long hours, and 5 other siblings? Or maybe you never knew your dad and you were the only child? You and your mom make up your family? Or maybe even something more untraditional like lesbian or gay parents. Or you could even be brought up in a family with several step parents and siblings. Maybe your grandmother raised you. Or were you adopted? Whatever your family dynamics were growing up will have a huge impact on your decisions in life.

Family Heritage
Here is another big one. Are your grandparents Italian, Mexican, English, Spanish, German, or Indian?? Maybe your great grandparents came to America on a big boat one day and brought with them family tradition and heritage from their country. What was passed down to you from your family’s upbringing will affect your own upbringing.

Demographics
Where do you live? Do you live in the mountains and ski 6 out of 7 days a week or do you live in the desert? If you grew up in the Northern states where there is a lot of snow your hobbies would be a lot different than if you grew up in the sunny south. Where you live impacts your decisions and your behaviour and, in turn, influences our decisions down the road.

Education
This speaks for itself. People who are well educated make different decisions than those who are not. The way you think is shaped by the things you have read, studied, written, and even how well you scored on tests. You might be a business student, a law student, a physcial education student, and so on. No matter what you decide to do in school will impact your decisions later. Professors can really shape how you think by their style of teaching as well.

Personality
Personality is a strong trait in each of us that plays a big part in our behaviour and decision making process. Though we are tossed into certain influential backgrounds our personaility tells us what to do with those influences. For instance, did you go to that church with your parents or did you rebel? Or maybe you went to church with them but were never really into it. Your personality juggles these influences and tells you how to behave.

Friends
And of course most of us all have had friends growing up. Your personality and all the other influential factors may determine who your friends are but your friends can really impact you. There is nothing like peer pressure. Were you pressured into doing drugs? Or maybe they helped you stay away from them. It is amazing how our behaviour can be shaped by the strong influence of our friends.

So let’s sum it up for me. All of these things in my life have played a huge role in my decision to stay home. The end!

-sillydad

Question #9
Have you ever felt discriminated against by male friends who aren’t stay-at-home dads?

Now this is a fair question and I can say right now “yes I have”. But I have been discriminated against in both directions. In other words some guys think I am not forceful enough or something because I stay home, like maybe my wife forced me into the situation. On the other end, I have had guys actually wish they had my job. But let’s take a look at some things that have happened to me where male friends have discriminated against me in one way or another. Here are a few:

We know who wears the paints in the relationship… (followed by a nice grin)
Oh yea, I have heard this on more than one occasion, and in fact, I have heard this about 4 times from the same person. They must not have thought they got their point across the first time. So, because I stay home I no longer wear pants. I must not have a backbone either.

What man would stay home and change diapers?
Yes, I have heard this believe it or not, but at least it was only once. I am sure people think it more often or say it behind my back but I cannot prove any of it except for that one time. Was I offended? Yea, I was a tad bit but I got over it….

Are you crazy?
Yes.

Why?
This one is almost as bad as “Are you crazy?” Just coming out and asking why? That sometimes seems more powerful than being specific. Why? Ummm… well maybe because it is the best thing for my family right now, or should I try to smooth things over with a friend and say, “Well, I want to make sure I catch all the games on TV.” In all honesty I have only had one male friend ask me why.

Oh really? (long pause) hmmm
This happened to me on a phone conversation about a year ago. “Oh really” was mostly to absorb the shock and the long pause was to think about what to say next. Eventually hmmmm came out of him and that summed it all up for me.

Those are things I have heard from male friends the minute they found out I was now a full time stay at home dad. But what do they say now? How about this one: “Hey Steve, Go ask your wife if you guys can __________” fill in the blank… A lot of the discrimination stems not from me just staying home with the kids but the fact that my wife makes most of the money and supports us. That immediately draws out stereotypes and people automatically assume I have to ask my wife for permission like I am some little school boy or something.

But there are other forms of discrimination other than making certain remarks. How do they act around me? Right now most of my friends don’t live in the same town as I do so I don’t get to witness much. But that just means I spend more time talking on the phone with them so it is easier for me to relate conversations to discrimination in this instance than it is to witness actions.

Maybe I don’t get asked to go places or do things with them as much but I would associate that with just NOT being single any more. It is more of the fact that I am married and have 4 children than it is because I stay home with the little ones.

On a good note, I actually get more positive responses than disapproving ones. Maybe I am lucky or maybe there is something about me. Who really knows. But until more and more dads become Stay at Home Fathers we will continue to see discrimination.

-sillydad

Question #8
Primary childcare has been known to be the “woman’s job,” how do you feel about taking on the responsibilities as a man?

How many ways can you skin a cat? Yes, primary childcare has been known to be the woman’s job since the beginning of mankind. How do I feel about it taking over those roles as a man? hmm… Well, I believe over time man can hopefully overcome slavery, oppression, racism, and descrimination, and eventually evolve into a better way of life. That may seem a bit harsh, but overcoming gender stereotypes is on the rise. I do believe men should act like men and women like women no matter what they choose to do. I think the problem is how people can be misled by switching spousal roles such as the man staying home and the woman working. Some think the woman is not womanly enough and the man is not being a man.

I think whatever roles we choose to do for the best interest of the family unit, the man can still be a man. It isn’t what he chooses to do but how he goes about it. Right? In other words, the man has his own parenting techniques and styles. I notice in myself those differences and it makes a huge impact on my children’s upbringing. It is an important role and I think the man as head of the household should be able to decide what is best for his family.

I think both men and women should have equal opportunity in life. Women are now out in the workplace and I think that is great. On the other side of the spectrum, I also think men should be able to stay home with their children. What’s the difference? Is it women can take on the roles of men but not vice versa?

So how do I feel about taking on a woman’s job? I don’t think it is solely a woman’s job anymore. Imagine me going up to a women who is in the middle of her day job and asking her how she felt about taking on the responsibilities of a man. After I got smacked across the face I would soon realize it is simply no longer just a man’s job. Both men and women are in the workplace even though since the beginning of time until a few decades ago it was unheard of for women to be the primary breadwinner.

For a man to stay home is not that unique anymore, but the stereotypes are still quite old. We need to break the mold and show others the realities of it. But, I think it goes deeper than just gender roles. What do I mean? I think that certain families want the best for their children and will do anything to make them happy and keep them thriving. A man who is passionate and cares for his family will not hesitate to do what is best. And if staying home while the wife rakes in the dough is what is best for the family then why should I lose out on that opportunity…. and for what? So I can feel like a man from the stone ages??

sillydad